


you, the moon, and i, in love with your light

by IfTrashCouldSparkle



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Character Study, Loosely Canon Compliant, M/M, Pining, Unrequited Love, basically i was sad and took it out on my favs, if it's any consolation i am sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 09:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29257959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IfTrashCouldSparkle/pseuds/IfTrashCouldSparkle
Summary: A life and love told in snapshots.Tadashi falls in love with a boy, golden and ethereal. It’s inevitable really, because how could he not? How could he not, when Tsukishima Kei is everything he’s always wanted and more?
Relationships: (Unrequited) Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 41





	you, the moon, and i, in love with your light

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for giving this fic a chance! I was experimenting with writing style a bit, and I just hope this fic makes you feel a little bit of something.

Yamaguchi is young when he first meets Tsukishima. Small for his age, with brittle bones and an even more brittle heart. He isn’t thinking about how this single, fleeting moment might change the course of his life; he isn't thinking much of anything through the haze of fear, except for the half-conscious reminder to keep his hands up in a last-ditch attempt to protect his face.

His elbows ache from hitting the ground. He doesn't know why these boys hate him so much. He doesn't know what he did wrong. 

“Pathetic.”

The voice cuts across the playground. Through the jeers and jabs, the voice rings clear and strong. Through his tears, Tadashi sees an angel. 

Even this young he knows it’s dramatic, but there is no other way to describe the boy standing there. Tall with golden eyes and a halo of blond curls around his head.

Yamaguchi is in awe.

“What are you looking at?” One of the boys, the leader, sneers at the angel. Yamaguchi feels afraid. This once, not for himself, but for the by who stood up - and whether he meant to or not - saved him. 

“You.” the angel responds cooly, “It’s pathetic.”

His tormentor’s face flushes red, temper flaring in an instant. “Who are you callin’ pathetic huh, four eyes?” He stomps over and Yamaguchi flinches, willing,  _ pleading _ , that the angel will run. 

His pleas turn out to be unnecessary. 

The angel just leans over, looming over his tormentors, and laughs.

It’s not a nice laugh; laugh is cold and mocking with no joy to be found, but in the moment, Yamaguchi thinks it's the coolest thing he’s ever heard.

The bullies run. They don’t see the point in sticking around when their original target is already down and their new target couldn't care less.

Tadashi scrambles to stand on wobbly legs, having to run to catch up to the angel who has already started to walk away. 

“I- um,” he pants, clenching his hands into fists, “Thank you! For, um, saving me.” He has a distinct feeling that he was included when the boy called them pathetic, how could he not be? But he has to say thank you,  _ he has to _ . 

The boy stops and turns to look at him, and Yamaguchi can feel himself shrinking under his gaze.

He looks Tadashi up and down, considering his words carefully. “It’s whatever,” the boy finally decides on, and it carries an edge of finality Yamaguchi can’t help but ignore. He turns away again, this time with Yamaguchi keeping pace. 

“My name is Yamaguchi Tadashi,” he begins, hopeful. “What’s yours?”

The boy grimaces but mumbles something under his breath.

Yamaguchi can feel himself sweating, despite the mid-autumn breeze. “I-I’m sorry, I didn't hear you...” He stutters, thoughts beginning to spiral. Maybe he didn't want Yamaguchi to hear him. Maybe Yamaguchi is being too annoying. He’s panicking now, but before he can ask the boy to repeat himself, the angel speaks up.

“Kei,” he sighs, “my name is Tsukishima Kei.”

☽✰☾

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi become close. They go to the same school and live in the same neighborhood that it’s a miracle they didn't meet sooner. From that day at the park and onwards, they just stick together.

Yamaguchi doesn't have many friends, and it turns out neither does Tsukishima, so, despite the blond’s feigned annoyance, they work well together. Tadashi’s mom would coo and tell him how nice it was that he finally made some friends. When he visited Tsukki, Tsukishima-san would always pat his head and tell him what a sweet boy he was. 

Tsukki rolled his eyes, but the gentle affection never failed to make Tadashi feel warm. He liked the Tsukishima household a lot.

Friendship, Tadashi found, was also a learning experience.

It’s a given, when you spend so much time with one person, that you start to pick up some things. Yamaguchi learned about dinosaurs and rocks and the weird bugs living in his garden. By the end of their first year as friends, Tsukishima could point out almost as many stars in the sky as Yamaguchi could.

When Tsukishima gets a volleyball for his birthday - courtesy of Akiteru - it was only natural they learned the game together.

They spent a lot of time just tossing the ball around, and when Akiteru had time to play he would teach them the rules of the game. Each lesson felt sacred, it was one of the coolest things he had ever learned. 

Volleyball was  _ fun _ . Yamaguchi likes the feeling of his small arms heaving the ball over the tall net in the backyard. It was also a time where he could see Tsukki openly smile as he hit the ball back, blocking a spike from his brother. (Who would cheer despite losing a point.)

“Do you think we can beat your brother one day?” Yamaguchi asks, laying on the futon the Tsukishima’s keep solely for him. He knows his friend isn't asleep, he knows Tsukki always falls asleep last.

“Beat him at what?” Comes the whispered voice from above.

He grins, shifting to try and get a better view in the dark. “Volleyball, obviously!” 

Tsukki shifts and Tadashi can hear it in his voice, that he’s grinning back. “Obviously,” he says, “we’ll beat anyone, easy.”

“Together?”

Tsukishima snorts. “Together.”

It’s a whisper in the dark; a childhood promise. One that Yamaguchi holds onto for a very long time.

☽✰☾

Junior high is a big new world and just like everything else, Tadashi and Tsukishima step into it together. They meet new people, make some sort-of friends, but they are still each other's closest. 

They join the junior high volleyball team and the game becomes something more than just a game. To Tadashi at least. 

Yamaguchi stood eagerly by Tsukki’s side in the stands, waiting for Akiteru to play. Karasuno’s fearsome ace. He sees firsthand the shame, the disappointment on Akiteru’s face when he catches a glimpse of them in the stands. He sees the shock and betrayal on Tsukki’s when he finds his brother looking back at him from across the gym.

It was the first time Yamaguchi had ever seen his friend, his idol, his angel, look anything other than strong. 

He sits on the bench now, and he can understand how he felt. No matter how hard he tries, how much he pushes himself to be better, time and time again he finds his place on the bench. Akiteru has always been kind; he wanted to give his brother someone to look up to. He buried his disappointment and put on a smile, and Yamaguchi can respect him for that.

Tsukishima however, doesn't even have to try. 

He leaps effortlessly into the air, sending the ball smashing into the ground with a smirk. Even from the bench, Yamaguchi feels like he’s small again, watching his personal hero defeat the enemy with grace and courage.

It doesn't matter if he can't play on the court. He’ll keep trying, keep pushing, keep playing, but for now, he’s fine cheering from the sidelines. 

☽✰☾

By now it’s established that they’re a set, a pair, can’t have one without the other. 

Yamaguchi likes it that way. He likes that there’s always an empty seat next to Tsukki at lunch. He likes that his friend will walk with one earbud out to listen to him ramble. He likes that when a classmate does something stupid, Tsukki will turn to him with a smirk and whisper something in his ear. They’ll snicker together and it makes him  _ so happy _ .

“Do you ever wish you had more friends?” He asks one day at lunch, sitting by Tsukki’s desk, staring out the window.

Tsukki doesn't even bother to raise his head. “No,” he says simply, “do you?”

“No,” he confesses, “I was just wondering.” And it’s the truth. Tsukishima Kei is and has always been his best and only friend. He asks tentatively, “If you did have more friends, would you still hang out with me?”

_ I'm no less pathetic than I was the day we met _ , he thinks. Granted, he’s happier now, but even years of friendship can’t wipe away the doubt; the looming feeling that he’s still not good enough. Not at his sport, not at school, and definitely not good enough for Tsukishima Kei.

Tsukki does look up this time, brows furrowed in annoyance. “What are you even talking about, don’t be stupid.” Their eyes meet and Tadashi is shocked by the firmness in his eyes, strong and sure as always. The unwavering confidence of Tsukishima Kei never fails to amaze him. It makes him feel overwhelmed with emotion, one he can’t quite place or describe.

Instead, he just smiles. “Sorry Tsukki,” he offers, placating. Tsukishima seems satisfied enough with that and turns back to his food.

Yamaguchi goes back to staring out the windows, watching the clouds drift idly by. 

One day, he’ll be sure in his place. He will be brave and strong enough to fight his spiraling thoughts, but for now, he is content to sit in peace, laying weary thoughts to rest.

☽✰☾

He’s been waiting by the entrance for a while now and he’s starting to worry. Tsukishima was supposed to be here seven minutes ago, and while it’s not unimaginable that he’d be late, it’s not something that happens often.

He glances down at his watch and ignores the spike of anxiety in his chest. Grabbing his bag, he wanders back into the school grounds, looking for any trace of his friend. Maybe he got held up talking to a teacher or their coach? It’s strange to him that Tsukki didn't tell him he’d be late. 

He looks in all their classes and even drops by the gym again, to no avail. A few lingering students and teachers wave to him as he passes by, and he waves back with a small smile. 

He’s gone through the whole school with worry gnawing at his brain. He’s close to cutting his losses and hoping Tsukishima somehow made it back without Tadashi noticing when his eye catches on a pair of people standing by the fence behind the school.

He immediately recognizes Tsukki and lets out a sigh of relief. He starts towards the pair, a question on the tip of his tongue when he sees something that makes him pause. 

Tsukishima is talking with a girl; a girl who offers a pink envelope with rosy cheeks and a delicate bow. His heart twists uncomfortably in his chest for reasons he can’t understand. Even though it hurts a bit, his feet stay locked in place, unable to look away.

The girl is pretty.

She has long brown hair tied in neat pigtails behind her head. He watches Tsukki take the letter, and suddenly he feels sick.

He doesn't know why, but he knows with absolute clarity he doesn't want to see any more of this. As quietly as he can, he walks back to the entrance, where he continues to wait like he never left. 

Tsukki shows up not long after, tiredly fiddling with the cord of his headphones. “What are you still doing here? I thought you would have gone home by now,” he asks with a curious glance.

Tadashi contemplates playing it cool or changing the subject, but that thought just makes him feel even worse. “I, uh,” he fumbles, “I went to look for you and saw you were talking with a girl, what was that about?”

Tsukki’s face crumples up like he just took a bite out of a lemon. “Oh, she confessed to me.”

Tadashi wills his voice not to shake. “What’s her name?”

“I don’t remember, I said no.”

He blinks. Struggling to process the words. “You said no?”

“Tsk, isn't that what I just said?”

Yamaguchi shuts his mouth, deciding not to push it. This feels fine, this feels right. The sick feeling fades gradually as he walks home side by side with his best friend.

☽✰☾

“Tadashi! How was your day?”

He toes off his shoes and meets his mom in the living room. She’s lounging on the couch and watching some drama on the TV and he joins her with a sigh.

“It was fine,” he half-lies, “what about you?”

It could have been a mother’s instinct, but Tadashi’s always been told he’s a terrible liar. She turns to him fully, eyes narrowing with suspicion. “Did something happen Tadashi?” She starts, “You seem upset...” 

“No! I mean... Well, maybe. But it’s nothing important.”

He tries halfheartedly to dismiss it, but his mom is having none of it. She pauses her show and gives him her full attention, waiting patiently for Tadashi to crack. He sweats, fumbling for the right words.

“What do you know, about um, romance?”

Tadashi watches with growing dread as a knowing smile begins to scratch across her face. 

Maybe he should have just gone straight to his room.

“Oh, Tadashi! Did you meet someone,” she gushes, “is there a pretty girl in your class? What’s her name? Can your father and I meet her?”

He groans, desperately trying to stop her from saying any more terrifying things. “No, no no It’s nothing like that!” He’s sure his face is beet red, and his mom won’t stop looking at him with that gleam in her eye. “It’s just, someone was confessed to in my class, and I was curious! Sorry, that’s probably stupid.”

“That’s not stupid Tadashi, don’t say that!” She sighs at him and he smiles sheepishly. “I think you’re a little too young to understand love, but it’s beautiful Tadashi.” She pulls him close, hugging him the way only a mother could. “Love is like home. Love is when you meet someone and you think,  _ this person _ , is the person I could spend the rest of my life with. It’s not perfect, it usually never is, but real love is worth every struggle.” She laughs to herself and ruffles his hair. “I think you're much too young to be thinking about the real kind of love, but a crush is like a smaller version of that.”

She smiles warmly at him, a playful glint in her eyes. “It’s not love, but your heart starts to race and sometimes you feel like you might pass out when you see your crush. It’s like a rollercoaster, and people confess so they can stay on that ride; live the ups and downs of a whirlwind romance. Do you get what I’m saying?”

“No,” he confesses, “not really…” Words like love feel abstract. He knows what it is, kind of. He sees it on TV, and he knows his parents are in love, but thinking about it is making his brain hurt.

She laughs and ruffles his hair again, he’s sure it’s beyond fixing by now. “Don’t worry about it Tadashi, I think I got a little carried away there anyways. Maybe I’ve been watching too many dramas, huh?”

When his dad gets home they’re already halfway through the next episode of his mom’s TV drama, and the conversation is long forgotten. He eats dinner with his family and pushes the strange day from his mind.

☽✰☾

High school is a whole new experience. It’s bigger than his junior high, and he feels himself sweating with every step he takes.

He joins the volleyball team, of course, and he and Tsukki snicker at the chaos of it all. The redhead and the scary-looking guy won’t stop arguing, and he’s already encountered a handful of people who act like yelling is their default volume. 

His very first impression of the Karasuno volleyball team is that they’re  _ loud _ . 

They grow on him fast though. For maybe the first time in his life, he’s meeting more people that he _ really likes _ . Within the first month, they’re not just his teammates, but his friends. 

He watches again, from the bench, as his team plays Aoba Johsai. Everyone on their team is so talented, especially the first years. Hinata and Kageyama are like an unstoppable force on the court, explosive and bright and impossible to take your eyes off of. Tsukishima stands proud and tall like always, watching the world with a critical eye. He wishes desperately he could stand up there with them. He practices and trains, but it seems like for every step forward he takes, they all take three. 

The Nekoma match goes about the same. Their opponents are impressive and he can’t help but feel a little bitter.  _ He wants to play. He wants to be on the same court with his friends. _

He cheers, loudly, when Tsukki blocks a spike from Nekoma’s captain. He’d give anything to be a part of that magic. Nails digging into the palms of his hands, he makes a promise to be better, to play on that court.

He asks Shimada san to teach him a float serve. 

He makes his own court behind the alley of the Shimada Mart. Scuffed concrete becomes hardwood floor and the boxes and bottles stacked against the wall become his opponents. Shimada san is a surprisingly good teacher, and he stays late into the night practicing.

He  _ will  _ be better. He has to be.

☽✰☾

“Where have you been going recently? You’ve been coming home late.”

Tadashi looks up in surprise, faltering long enough to fall a step behind Tsukki. They still walk home together, but now Tadashi goes back out after dropping off his things at home. He’s actually surprised Tsukki noticed.

“Shimada san has been helping me practice my serves. I want to be able to play with the rest of you.”

Tsukki hums and it’s the end of the conversation. He does pass Yamaguchi one of his earbuds though, and Tadashi can see just the hint of a smile on his face. He takes the earbud with a smile and the warm feeling in his chest lasts all the way home.

☽✰☾

Tadashi realizes that he’s in love with Tsukishima Kei on an unremarkable Tuesday. They’re both sitting in Tsukishima’s room after school, and he says something about bugs he learned from a library book. Tadashi doesn't even remember what it was, past the vague feeling it was something both cool and disgusting.

Tsukki points to a diagram and starts explaining in extreme detail and Tadashi thinks,  _ oh _ .

His eyes are so bright, glasses slipping a little down his nose, too caught up in explaining the difference between terrestrial and aquatic isopods to notice, and Tadashi wants to kiss him  _ so badly _ . More than he’s ever wanted anything in his life maybe, and it scares him.

It’s startling at first, the realization that he wants to kiss Tsukishima Kei, but the more he thinks about it the more it makes sense. 

He’s always loved him, always wanted to stand next to him, be with him. It seems like a natural progression that he falls  _ in love _ with him.

He’s in love with Tsukishima Kei, and he’s afraid.

Yamaguchi Tadashi considers himself a coward, but in this moment he can’t remember ever being more scared, because out of all the people he could have fallen for, it  _ had  _ to be Kei.

Tsukki, his best friend since elementary, his teammate, his shining angel.

But it’s also somehow… freeing. The realization is an answer to questions he’d been asking for years. 

He decides not to act on it. This friendship is too precious to risk for his silly feelings.

He doesn't need more of Tsukishima Kei, as long as Tadashi can remain by his side, he thinks it will be enough.

☽✰☾

Tadashi can feel every bone in his body shake when he raises the number ten. Every nerve is on edge, thoughts swirling around and drowning out all of his confidence. 

Hinata takes it from his shaking hand and wishes him luck with all the gusto of someone who had been running for ages and could stand to run a little more.

The energy on the court is  _ electric _ ; he can feel all eyes on him. They trusted him; his teammates trusted him to play and serve them a point. His vision swims under that stadium lights, sweaty palms fumble the ball.

Sugawara senpai and the second years cheer for him from the sidelines and he gives them a smile that comes out shaky at best. He takes a deep breath, knowing how important this serve is, and tosses the ball.

He hits it, praying to any god that will listen that he didn't just let his teammates down. 

The ball, unresponsive to his prayers, hits the net.

☽✰☾

He talks to Shimada san and he works even harder.

He practices until his mom tells him to go to bed, spending hours outside serving the ball in the backyard.

He won’t be a burden to his team anymore,  _ he won’t _ .

☽✰☾

Summer training camp rolls around and Karasuno is a mess. That’s fine; they’re learning as a team and growing together, but Tadashi can’t help but worry for Tsukishima.

It’s not just worry either. It’s anger and frustration and years of jealousy mixing into an ugly feeling building in his chest.  _ Why couldn’t he see just how great he was at volleyball? Why couldn't he see how much more amazing he could be if he had the decency to try?  _

Tadashi knows. He knows it’s because of Akiteru that Tsukishima thinks that maybe if he doesn't try, doesn’t get attached, he can’t be disappointed if he fails. But he’s wasting his potential and it makes Tadashi  _ angry _ .

It’s these thoughts that fuel him, that push him forwards. He excuses himself from practice and follows after Tsukki. 

He doesn't even really remember shouting down the hall or barreling towards his friend. He does remember the white-hot rage when Tsukishima looks down on him, giving him some lame excuse about never being number one, and the lack of concrete motivation. It makes his blood boil in his veins.

For maybe the first time in his life, he screams at his best friend.

“Motivation? What more do you need than pride!” He finds his fists on the collar of Tsukki’s shirt; the summer air is warm and slow, and they are so, so close. His lungs heave for air and their eyes lock. Tadashi can feel himself shaking but he needs to stay strong, he  _ needs  _ to make sure Tsukishima understands. 

He doesn't know how long he stands there, angry and desperate to knock any sort of sense back into Tsukishima. What will he do if this doesn't work, or worse if Tsukki gets angry and quits? He prepares himself for the worst, not expecting Tsukishima to smile.

“To think the day would come,” he starts, laughing softly under his breath. “When the hell did you get so cool?”

Tadashi is floored, anger simmering down into confusion. He honestly has no idea what to say. 

Tsukki calls him cool again, and he probably wouldn't have heard it if he weren't pre-programmed to automatically tune in to everything Tsukishima says. 

_ Cool? _

Tadashi has spent his whole life looking up to Tsukishima, the definition of cool in his eyes. For someone so effortlessly cool like Tsukishima to look him in the eyes and call  _ Yamaguchi  _ cool?

He’s still reeling when Tsukki speaks up again. “I’m not convinced by it,” he says, “I’m gonna go ask something.” Once again there’s that air of finality, cutting off any further conversation quickly and cleanly.

“Ah, Tsukki?!” He’s left standing somewhat awkwardly as Tsukishima walks away towards gymnasium three where the Fukurodani and Nekoma captains are practicing. 

_ Did it work,  _ he wonders,  _ did he get through to Tsukki? _ He’s still a bit worried, but he supposes there’s not much he can do now. Tsukki said he was going to ask something, so maybe he went to talk to the captains. It makes sense, so he leaves it for now.

The next day in practice, the air around Tsukishima changed. He jumps with a new kind of fervor, eyes focused and sharp on the opponent. 

_ There it is, _ Tadashi thinks,  _ there's that potential. _ It’s beautiful, and Tadashi feels an overwhelming sense of pride swelling out of his chest towards every inch of his body.

Tadashi loves him, wholeheartedly, irrevocably. He loves Tsukishima Kei.   
  


☽✰☾

He’s called in as a pinch server, once again against the mighty Aoba Johsai. 

He does not flinch, he does not falter. The ball lands right inside the line and Karasuno scores a point.

☽✰☾

Tsukki stands beneath the net, shouting in victory. Clenched fist and drenched in sweat, he shines under the stadium lights. He did it, he’s the one who shut down Ushijima’s monster spike. 

Everyone is shouting, Tadashi included, yelling his throat raw. There it is again; joy and pride and warmth.

Victory tastes sweet on his tongue.

☽✰☾

The glow stars on the ceiling of Tsukishima’s bedroom are nowhere as bright as they used to be, but they still stand out in the dark. Tadashi counts them when he can’t sleep even though he’s had the exact number memorized since he was twelve.

(There are exactly thirty-two stars on the ceiling. There used to be thirty-five but those were lost somewhere a few years ago.)

Tsukki likes to insist they’re too old for sleepovers, but he always pulls out the futon regardless of his complaints. Tsukishima san didn't even bat an eye when he followed Tsukki into the threshold of their home. She just smiles and greets him with a warm hug like always.

“You’ve grown up so much Tadashi! You look more and more handsome every day!”

“Ah, thank you. But, didn't you see me last week?”

“Hush now,” she swats him gently on the shoulder with an over mitt, “I may be getting old but I’m not senile. I remember last week perfectly fine, you just get sweeter everytime I see you.”

“Mom!” Kei looks like he’s seconds away from letting the earth just swallow him whole. “You’re being embarrassing.”

“No sweetie, I’m just being nice. You should try it sometime.”

Tadashi’s hand flies to cover his mouth before any laughter can escape, but Tsukki glares at him regardless. The look alone is enough to send him doubling over in laughter.

“ _Shut_ _up_ Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!” He manages in between wheezes. Tsukki stomps up the stairs and Tadashi follows after, shooting a thumbs up to Tsukishima san.

He wonders, idly, if she would be happy for them if he ever got the nerve to confess to her son. The scenario is hypothetical in almost every way; Tadashi will never be brave enough to tell Tsukki how he feels, and the chances of Tsukki saying yes are slim to none. 

While being labeled as part of a unit with Tsukki always fills him with a sense of pride, It also means he’s usually the first person girls go to when they want to ask Tsukishima out. He’s been given the misfortune of looking each girl in the eye and sending them off to fight for a chance in Tsukki’s heart.

Each of them a million times more brave than he could ever be; each one returning with a downturned head and slumped shoulders. Sometimes they cry, Tadashi never knows what to do when they cry.

What can he say?  _ “I get it, I know what it’s like to long for Tsukishima Kei so badly you feel like you’re ripping apart at the seams.” _

He always settles for a sad smile and a nod. He hopes the sentiment comes across somehow.

Tadashi doesn't want to be rejected. He thinks he would shatter like glass and no amount of glue would ever be able to put the pieces back again.

He sighs, hoping the glow stars give him an answer to his problems. They don't, but he counts them anyway; reaching thirty-two and starting from the top until he drifts off to sleep.

☽✰☾

“Who are you texting?” Tadashi leans over Kei’s shoulder as he scowls at his phone, fingers flying furiously over the keyboard. The contact name reads “Rooster Asshole”.

“Some idiot gave Kuroo my fucking number and now he won’t stop bothering me.”

“Kuroo?” He asks, “Like Nekoma’s captain Kuroo?”

“Yes.” Tsukki spits out the word between clenched teeth, mashing the keys so hard Tadashi’s worried his phone might crack. “I don’t know who gave him my number, but if I ever find out it’s not going to be pretty.”

Tadashi hums, vaguely remembering a wide smirk and messy back hair. “Is there any reason why he’s bothering you?”

Tsukki huffs. Normally the only people who can rile him up this much are the wonder duo Hinata and Kageyama. “He’s claiming that I should be thanking him since he, in his words, was the  _ ‘oh so gracious mentor who taught me the true meaning of blocking’ _ .”

Tadashi snorts, and Kei gives him a look that could wither a cactus.

“It’s not funny.”

“It’s a little bit funny.”

“Shut up Yamaguchi.”

“Sorry, Tsukki!” He offers a placating smile and Tsukishima rolls his eyes, turning back to his phone. Since he last put it down, there has been a flood of winking emojis that make Tsukki’s eyebrows pinch in frustration.

He chuckles at the display and turns back to his homework.

☽✰☾

“Hey Yamaguchi, can I uh, ask you something?”

Tadashi nearly jumps out of his skin. For someone so loud, Hinata sure can sneak up on you sometimes. There's a hesitance to the way he moves that immediately sets Yamaguchi on edge though, and he proceeds with caution. “Sure Hinata,” he says, carefully, “what’s up?” 

They’re the last in the gym on cleanup duty, and the redhead anxiously fiddles with his fingers while Tadashi puts away the broom. “Are you okay? You seem kind of worried.”

“Um, well. The thing is I-” His face turns as red as his hair before he takes a huge breath of air and shouts, “HOW DO YOU ASK SOMEONE OUT?”

Tadashi freezes, feeling himself flushing too. 

“What,” he chokes, “why are you asking me!?”

“Well I just figured since you and, you know...” he waves his hands, tracing out the invisible train of his thoughts, “I thought you might know how!” 

“I’ll try to help you, but I’ll admit I don't know much about it either.”

Hinata’s brow furrows. “But aren’t you dating Stingyshima?”

It’s an innocent question, but it causes Tadashi to choke on air. If his face was flushed before it’s burning now. Hinata yelps and pats his back with a little too much force while he tries to remember how to breathe. “No,” he wheezes, “no, I’m not.”

“Oh.” Hinata must see something on his face, too caught off guard to try and hide it, because his eyes widen comically. It would have been really funny if Tadashi weren’t trying to sink through the floor. “ _ Oh _ , sorry.”

“It’s fine,” he coughs, taking a few deep breaths to maybe calm the frantic beating of his heart, “I should be used to it now.” He slumps down onto a mat and Hinata follows, buzzing with energy despite hours of practice. “Who are you asking, is it someone I know?”

Hinata shakes like a chihuahua, stuttering out a few incomprehensible syllables. Tadashi decides to take pity on the poor guy. He’s pretty sure he knows who it is anyway. 

“It’s Kageyama kun isn't it?” He asks straight up.

He bites back the instinct to snicker as the middle blocker visibly cringes. Yamaguchi can almost see the smoke coming out of his ears when he rounds on Tadashi, shouting, “How did you know!”

He does snicker now.  _ How could anyone not know? _ “Sorry Hinata, it’s a little bit obvious.”

Hinata groans and buries his face in his hands. Tadashi pats him on the back in what he hopes is a comforting way. “I think if you’re going to ask him out you just need to be straightforward with it.”  _ You shouldn't have a problem with that _ , he doesn't say.

Hinata looks up through the gaps in his fingers, worrying his bottom lip in between his teeth. “But what if he says no?”

“He might,” Tadashi sighs, “but if it's any consolation I don't think he will.”

As obvious as Hinata was, it was nothing compared to the dark haired setter. Tadashi thinks back to every time Kageyama would begrudgingly come along to anything as long as Hinata was going, or how his whole face would light up (as much as his face was able) the second a certain middle blocker bounced into the room. It’s almost cute, in a laughable way, to watch him fumble a ball when Hinata lifts the corner of his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face.

“Just go for it and be yourself,” he assures, “you never know unless you try.”

Hinata nods, and his eyes take on that sparkle they only get when he’s facing a challenge. “You’re right Yamaguchi kun, thank you!”

Hinata is gone in a burst of speed, leaving Tadashi in the dust before he can even begin to contemplate what he just enabled.

☽✰☾

The next day, the pair step into the gym hand in hand. Kageyama looks like he’s seconds away from combusting, but he holds firm and twines their fingers together. 

Hinata’s radiant smile lights up the whole gym, drowning out the cheers and whistles from their teammates. 

Tadashi ignores the growing jealousy and focuses on the warm pride he feels for his friend. They’re good together, in the sense that those two would be a disaster inflicted onto anyone but each other. 

Hinata catches his eye and gives him a huge thumbs up. It’s easily enough to wash away the temporary bitterness. Things are good as they are, better now that his friends are happy; it would be selfish of him to wish for more.

☽✰☾

The mall is crowded today and Tsukki makes his displeasure very known. He glares at every poor soul who has the audacity to look his way, scaring the mass of shoppers passing by. (Tadashi’s pretty sure he made one kid cry.)

“C’mon Tsukki,” he sighs, “there has to be  _ something  _ you think Akiteru kun will want.” Every time his brother’s birthday rolls around, he makes a big show of not wanting to get anything or even participate in the festivities. It was funny the first few times, but It’s been years and Tsukishima still refuses to crack. Tadashi already picked out a phone case since he noticed Akiteru’s was starting to fall apart, now he's just waiting for Tsukki to make up his mind and stop sulking.

(“I don’t know why you’re getting him something, it’s not like you’re his brother.”

“Well his actual brother refuses to suck it up and wish him a happy birthday so  _ someone  _ has to step in.”

“Shut  _ up  _ Yamaguchi.”)

They wander around aimlessly. Tsukki sulks and makes the occasional jab at a passerby, and Tadashi splurges and gets himself a mall pretzel, which he munches on happily, occasionally ripping off a piece and passing it to Tsukki. 

Tsukishima eventually settles on a nice but reasonably priced watch, and they’re wandering past the food court when a booming voice cuts through the crowd and nearly startles Tadashi out of his skin. 

“TSUKKI DUDE!” The voice shouts, bright and loud, being able to put maybe even Noya san to shame. They turn to see Fukurodani’s captain waving animatedly from the food court, seated across from whom Tadashi remembers as Nekoma’s captain and starting setter. 

“Oh god,” Tsukki groans, “just pretend you don't see them.” He tries to duck his head and slink back into the crowd, but Nekoma’s captain - Kuroo - saunters up and grabs him by the wrist before he can get too far. 

“Where ya goin’ huh?” he smirks, voice  _ just  _ on the edge between playful and sleazy. “Did you really try to run away from us Tsukki?” 

Something ugly curls in his chest at the use of the nickname. That’s  _ his  _ name for his best friend, why is someone he barely knows using it? He grits his teeth but pushes it down, giving a small wave. “Hi, we didn’t expect to see you here! Small world huh?”

“Yamaguchi don’t encourage him-”

Kuroo laughs, loud and boisterous. “It is a small world! Come and sit with us, the more the merrier!” He drags Tsukki towards their table and Tadashi follows hesitantly behind. Bokuto, he remembers, gives them both a hearty pat on the back that just about breaks his spine.

“Hey hey hey! Cool meeting you dudes here, what are you doing?”

Tsukki glares at him over the rim of his glasses, obviously trying to re-inflate his poor lungs after that blow. “Shopping. What else do you do in a mall.”

“I don’t know man, we’re just chillin! Kenma wanted to get a new game!”

Kenma doesn't even glance up at the mention of his name and continues playing, nimble fingers flying across the controls of his handheld. Tadashi makes the calculated decision to sit by him and watches with some amusement as both captains sling their arms over Tsukki’s shoulders and start goading him. Despite his height, Tsukki is no match for the wall of sheer muscle trapping him in and no chance but to resign to his fate.

Tadashi will be the first to admit he’s a little disappointed. As nice as it can be to run into friends, he was really enjoying spending the afternoon with Tsukishima. He feels ashamed for that thought almost immediately after; Its good Tsukki is making more friends outside of just him.

He should be happy, that’s what a good friend would do.

Instead, he just feels a little sad. Somehow, it feels like the end of an era.

☽✰☾

Interhigh seems to drag on forever and pass in a blink at the same time. The stress and exhilaration crash like waves against his fragile heart, but the energy makes him feel alive. 

It’s a shame they lose to Date Tech; he would have liked to play one more time.

☽✰☾

Tadashi has been staring at this one math problem for hours. The numbers seem to mock him, taunting him with their unsolvability. 

Tsukki finished his homework half an hour ago and has been fiddling with his phone. He’ll pick it up only to put it right back down again like he’s angry at himself for even bothering to check. Then he’ll get a notification and almost dives for it, either rolling his eyes or laughing at whatever was sent.

Without even having to ask, Tadashi thinks he knows who it is. 

It’s a little hard not to. Kuroo Tetsurou keeps popping up in his life with increased frequency. It’s usually framed as a coincidence; the middle blocker will appear out of nowhere and sweep Tsukki up with an arm around the shoulder and some exciting tale of his most recent endeavors. 

Tadashi knows the look in his eye. He can see the same look plastered helplessly across his own face every time he looks in the mirror. 

It’s not like he can't even blame Kuroo. What he wouldn't give for just a moment with Tsukishima Kei.

He almost wants to shout  _ “I saw him first! You can’t take him away from me, It’s not fair I was here first!” _ but he knows love doesn't work that way. It’s like volleyball. It doesn't matter how long or hard you practice; how many hours you spend grinding away until sweat blinds your eyes and every limb feels like lead.

At the end of the day, the better player wins the game. 

Tadashi always was a benchwarmer.

☽✰☾

Being captain is both a humbling and empowering position. It was a shock when Enoshita san asked him to step into the role of team captain. 

Tadashi feels proud of course.  _ He did this _ . He grew into a person his teammates; his friends could trust to lead them to victory. When he looks at his friends, he sees nothing but support, and he feels happy. 

He accepts the position with a smile with a promise to keep growing. Into a leader; a person they can place their faith in. 

Though his hands still shake and each challenge brings a new wave of insecurity, he tackles each challenge with the knowledge that his friends have his back, and he has theirs in turn. 

The new first years are boisterous and have so much potential. They look up to him like he’s worth listening to; worth trusting. It makes him sweat, but he works just as hard to earn it.

Hinata warms up to the first years immediately. It’s overwhelming how quickly he tries to rope them into running drills with him. They're drawn to his energy and follow him like ducklings. Wherever Hinata is, Kagayama is sure to be somewhere close. They’re wary of him at first, but before too long they start to flock around him as well.

The first years love Yachi, but that’s to be expected. She has grown into herself well. Kind and capable, she keeps the team on track through the chaos. Tadashi owes so much of their success to her planning, and he makes sure to tell her every day.

Tsukki, as much as he likes to deny it, likes the new players too. For his friend’s delicate pride, he pretends not to notice when he stays late to help practice their blocks or gives them pointers in the form of a scathing but helpful remark. 

He loves this game, and he loves his friends. No matter how many years pass, he will always look back on these memories fondly.

☽✰☾

Graduation is a rush of tearful congratulations and bone-crushing hugs. His mom cries openly while his dad hides a tear behind a camera, trying to preserve every precious memory from this day. 

Tsukishima san sweeps him up in a huge hug and Akiteru pats him on the back, grinning fiercely. Yamaguchi hides his own grin in Tsukishima san’s shoulder, thanking her for everything. She was as much of a role model to him as his own mom.

(She lets him go eventually, but only after Tsukki starts to groan and Tadashi admits that he can’t breathe when she’s hugging him this tightly.)

In a moment of boldness, he pulls Tsukki close to him by the arm. Tadashi relishes in the warmth and steady heartbeat at his side. He will be selfish, just this once, if only for a moment.

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima starts, “what are you doing?”

“It’s graduation Tsukki, we have to take a picture together!”

“Yeah Kei,” Tsukishima san calls, “get closer! Oh, you boys have grown up so much, I’m so proud of you!”   
  


“Ugh.” Tsukki rolls his eyes but steps closer. He drapes an arm around his shoulder and Tadashi wills his breath not to catch. 

A camera goes off and both families gather to look at it. They’re both holding their certificates proudly, and Tadashi’s grin is wide enough to split his face in two. While their parents coo, Tadashi lets it all just wash over him. 

He holds on for just a second longer than he should, memorizing the feel of Tsukishima pressed against him. His best friend, his angel. He looks so beautiful, having grown into his tall frame and long limbs. Any signs of the awkward teen he used to be are gone and replaced with lean muscle and unrelenting confidence.

He loves this boy. Loves him with all his heart.

“Congrats Tsukki,” Tadashi whispers. Quietly, reverently.

Tsukki looks at him and offers one of his rare genuine smiles. “Yeah yeah,” he sighs, “congrats I guess.”

Out the corner of his eye, he can see a figure approaching. Tall, dark hair, prevailing smirk. Even though the large crowd, his height makes him easy to pick out. Tsukki seems to notice too.

_ Of course, he showed up. _

He holds up a bouquet, and from his place at Tsukki’s side, he can feel his friend gasp. It feels like a thorn in his chest, aching with every breath. It hurts so badly that he’s not the one who can make Tsukishima gasp like that. If seconds ago he was flying, this is the fall. He’s plummeting towards the earth with no parachute and Tadashi, he-

He lets him go.

“Go get em’ tiger,” he teases. Though his heart aches, he steps aside and gives Tsukki a gentle shove in the right direction. Tsukishima’s entire face is on fire, but he still has the fight to bite back a “Shut up Yamaguchi.”

He watches Tsukishima leave him and step willingly into the arms of someone else. Kuroo grins and scoops him up into a ridiculous twirl; his laughter is loud and open. They attract glances but Kuroo ignores them. 

Tadashi will not cry here. 

He won’t do anything to make his family, or god forbid Tsukki, worry about him and ruin the mood. 

He is stronger now, and he will not cry, no matter how badly he wants to.

☽✰☾

“So, are you going to tell me what happened?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Tsukishima grumbles, “nothing happened.”

“Oh  _ come on _ Tsukki.”

“Fine.” He hisses. “We’re dating. I’m dating that pain in the ass. Are you happy now?”

_ No, please don’t leave me. _

“Yes,” he chirps, “was that hard?”

“Excruciatingly.”

☽✰☾

His college roommate is nice if not a little odd, but they get along well enough. He likes all of his professors, and he looks forward to starting a real job soon.

He still meets his high school friends for lunch sometimes, minus Hinata, who he video chats when he has the time. 

Tsukki looks happy. He's happy with Kuroo and that makes everything okay. He ignores the ever present weight in his chest, because all he’s ever wanted is to see Tsukishima happy.

Life moves on, and Tadashi tries his best to move along with it.

☽✰☾

“We’re gonna get married.”

Tadashi looks up from his coffee, bewildered. He was wondering why Tsukishima took the initiative to invite him out for some coffee. He should have known, really.

He wonders if Tsukki can hear his heartbeat from where he’s sitting across the table, because it echoes in Tadashi’s ears like a war drum.

“What?”

“Next spring. Kuroo asked me to marry him.” Tsukki holds out his hand, previously buried in the sleeve of his winter coat, and there's a delicate silver ring sitting comfortably on his finger. It glints cooly under the cafe lighting, and Tadashi keeps his eyes locked on it as his vision starts to swim.

“Oh.” He tries for what he hopes is a smile. “Wow, that’s- that’s amazing!” As discreetly as he can, he moves his hands in his lap. Under the table, he hopes no one can see how they shake. “How did he propose?”

His best friend is  _ engaged _ and he feels physically sick. What kind of awful person is he that he can’t even be happy for his favorite person in the world? He never asked to fall in love with Tsukishima Kei and he certainly never asked to feel awful when Tsukki tells him, with a gentle smile, that he’s marrying the love of his life next spring.

Tsukki snorts, hiding an embarrassed smile behind his hand. “At the museum, under the fucking T-rex exibit.”

“Nerd,” Tadashi chuckles and it’s shaky at best, “Of course it was the T-rex exhibit.”

Tsukishima doesn’t dignify that with more than a glare. He pushes his drink away and sets his hands on the table firmly, eyes locking with Tadashi’s. Tadashi knows he has something important to say, and he gives Tsukki his full attention, despite the growing dread in his gut. “About that though,” he starts, running a hand through his blond curls, “I want you to be my best man.”

The world which was spinning grinds to a slow and agonizing halt.

“You-” he breathes, “you want me to be your best man?”

“Tsk, obviously,” Tsukki frowns, “who else would I ask?”

Tadashi laughs weakly. Of course, Tsukishima would ask him. Sometimes in his pinning, he forgets that this friendship is a two-way street. “Yeah, I guess you’re right about that one.”

He’s reminded now of his younger self, crying on the playground the day he first met Tsukishima. He was a pathetic little kid, desperately wishing for someone to save him. He’s no less pathetic now, still so hopelessly in love with his savior. What a mess he’s gotten himself into.

“Well?” Tsukki raises a questioning eyebrow.

“Of course,” he sighs, swallowing his heart. “I wouldn't miss it for the world.”

☽✰☾

“Hey, Yamaguchi, what’s up! You know, I tried this really awesome ramen place today! It’s super cheap and it’s like, only a block away from the gym, and the food tastes like gwah! Ya know? Oh! And I also- Wait a minute... Yamaguchi? Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Did you hear?”

Hinata is silent for a moment. The only reason he knows he hasn't hung up is the faint sound of music from the other end of the line. “Yeah,” he finally says, softly, like he’s walking on glass. “Kenma told me.”

“Ah.” Tadashi chuckles, “That makes sense I guess.”

“Are you… okay?”

“I’m glad he’s happy. They’re good together.”

“Yamaguchi, you didn’t answer my question.”

Tadashi chokes on his breath. Despite his best efforts to keep them at bay, the tears start to well in his eyes. “I don’t think so.”

He lets it all out over the phone. His whole story, every feeling he’s ever had, every regret. He tells it all to Hinata through his shaking sobs. For his part, Hinata is a surprisingly good listener and tries his best to comfort him.

Tadashi is glad Hinata moved back to Japan to play with the Black Jackals because when he shows up at his door with a worried face and a bag of takeout, it feels like the exact thing he needs. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, wrapping Tadashi in a warm hug.

“I know,” he sniffles in response, “me too.”

☽✰☾

The wedding is beautiful. 

Both Tsukishima and Kuroo look stunning in their fitted suits. The golden light of the setting sun casts the venue in a hazy ethereal glow. Candles and tea lights make up for the sun once it dips below the horizon, and when Tsukki walks down the aisle, Tadashi feels like he’s a teenager again; sitting on the floor of Tsukishima’s room and coming to the realization that he feels more for his best friend than he should.

But it’s not him Tsukki’s walking to. 

Tadashi wants to hate him. He wants to hate Kuroo so badly, but he looks at Kei like he hung every star in the sky, and how could Tadashi hate someone who looks at Kei like he’s golden? How could he, when Kei’s smile stretches across his face? Bright and radiant and so,  _ so  _ in love. 

“Tadashi, are you alright?” Yamaguchi is straightening out his suit to prepare for the best man's speech when Akiteru places a gentle hand on his shoulder. He turns and the look he gives Tadashi is much too knowing to be comfortable. 

He smiles, trying his hardest for it to look genuine. “Of course Akiteru kun, why wouldn't I be?”

“I-” he starts. Tadashi cuts him off with a wince.

“Please don’t,” he pleads, “I know you mean well, but I can’t do this today. It’s Tsukki’s special day after all. You should go congratulate him again.”

Akiteru pauses, slowly lifting his hand and giving Tadashi a smile that’s  _ so sad _ . “You’re right, sorry.” He gives Tadashi a small pitiful “good luck” before he wanders back over to his brother, presumably to pester him until Tsukki loses his patience and snaps at him. 

Tadashi takes a deep breath, gathering his willpower for what he knows he has to do next.

Each step onto the stage feels like a hurdle, but Tadashi pushes through. The din of laughter from the guests clears his head a bit, and he clears his throat to catch everyone’s attention. The hall falls silent. 

“I’m sure you all know what time this is,” he starts, “so I figure I should just say my speech before we’re all too drunk to remember anything.”A few friends in the crowd whoop and holler, and he catches the eye of both Hinata and Akiteru in the crowd. He ignores their worried looks and takes a deep breath.

“Tsukki,” he begins, “you are my oldest and best friend.”

“I watched you grow into the man you are today, and I am thankful always that you’ve let me stand beside you. Without you, I wouldn't be who I am today.” 

He takes another shaky breath. In and out. 

“I even got to watch you fall in love, and I am so  _ so happy _ for you.”

He doesn't even register the tears that are falling until they hit his shaking hands. He wipes them away with a wet laugh.

“I know Kuroo san is stupidly in love with you,” a few cheers and laughs from the audience ring out, “and I know that despite how you try to hide it, you’re stupidly in love with him too. You two are great for each other, two assholes coming together in holy matrimony.” 

He turns to Kuroo specifically now. Their eyes meet and Tadashi tries with every fiber of his being to convey just how important his next words are. “You better treat him well alright? Watch over my best friend for me.”

_ Goodbye, my angel. _

“Congratulations to the grooms, with all my heart. Now let’s get this reception started!”

☽✰☾

Tadashi breaks away from the crowd and gulps in the fresh air from outside. He sighs into his half-filled wine glass, leaning against the wall for support. 

He’s vaguely considering just staying out here and watching the stars all night. The night air is crisp and cool, and the wind carries the soft sounds of crickets and... soft hiccuping? Coming from his right, the sound is so quiet he thinks he’s imagining it at first. He almost dismisses it, but it happens again and again.

He realizes belatedly, that it’s unmistakably the sound of someone crying.

He steps tentatively to the right, looking for who might be crying outside a wedding. Maybe some kid got lost? 

He’s expecting a wayward child, so it comes somewhat as a surprise when he peeks around a bush to find Kenma sitting on his heels with his face in his hands. He knows it’s Kozume san because of the two-toned hair, but this is the first time he’s ever seen the man without his nose in a game.

“Um,” he asks tentatively, “Kozume san, are you alright? Why are you crying?”

Kenma turns. His eyes red and puffy with still wet tear tracks glistening on his cheeks. Even like this though, his glare is impressive. Kenma recognizes him immediately and sneers. “Don’t pretend like you don’t know.”

Tadashi flinches and Kenma huffs a wet laugh. “I think out of everyone in that room, you probably know the best.”

_ Ah, he probably should have seen that one coming. _

“I guess you’re right,” he admits, “I probably would.” He sits down beside Kenma, his own throat still feeling raw and sore. He came out here to be alone, but now that he’s here, Tadashi realizes that just having someone next to him is a comfort.

They share a moment in silence, Tadashi staring aimlessly at the passing clouds and Kenma twisting the grass under his fingers. It’s not exactly peaceful, it’s much too sad for that, but it’s understanding.

This was a game neither of them won, maybe they never had a chance, but they both sit at the bench in solidarity.

Who knows how much time has passed before Tadashi gets to his feet with a sigh. “They’re going to be wondering where we went soon.” He offers his hand and Kenma takes it hesitantly. “I think Hinata wanted to challenge Bokuto to see how many champagne glasses they could stack before it falls over, I don’t think that’s something we want to miss.”

Kenma huffs in what Tadashi thinks might be a small laugh. “Yeah,” he says, wiping the remaining stray tears from his eyes, “my money’s on Hinata.”

They both smile, and for the first time tonight, he lets himself forget.

☽✰☾

He and Kenma become friends after that night. The man is quiet, but he’s whip-smart and surprisingly witty. The bond formed out of similar sad situations slowly begins to morph into a genuine friendship.

Sometimes Kenma will tell him about Kuroo; whispered stories about growing up with someone so bright it feels inevitable that you fall in love. He talks about summer nights and training camps, and the constant near annoying reminders to eat and sleep well.

In turn, Tadashi tells him about Tsukki. Kenma is a good listener, and even when his hands are busy with a game Tadashi knows he listens to every word.

They don’t just talk about their shared misfortune either. They play Smash and Mario Kart and Tadashi only whines a little when Kenma kicks his ass every time. The recluse will occasionally and begrudgingly agree to go on a walk with him sometimes, but only if Tadashi promises to buy lunch afterward.

It’s slow going, but he’s healing. Sometimes, that’s all a person can hope for.

☽✰☾

Hinata and Kageyama get married in the summer. It’s an outdoor wedding and there’s barely a cloud in the sky. Hinata turns every head bouncing down the aisle. 

Kageyama cries so much they have to keep a tissue box on standby.

He catches Tsukishima’s eye from across the venue, hand intertwined with his husband’s, and Yamaguchi gives him a cheeky smile. Tsukki smirks back at him, phone held up in his free hand, no doubt recording the scene to make fun of Kageyama later.

The familiar ache is still there, but it’s small enough to be barely noticeable. It’s small enough that he can genuinely giggle when Kuroo brushes a strand of hair out of Tsukki’s face and he blushes bright red.

It comes as no surprise that when it’s time to toss the bouquet Kageyama sets it to his husband who excitedly spikes it into the crowd. (Poor Asahi takes it to the face which makes Nishinoya laugh so hard he trips over his own feet and crashes into the sound booth. Thankfully nothing is broken.)

He dances with Hinata and Yachi and even manages to drag Kenma along for one dance, who snickers at his shoddy attempt at a waltz. He’s high on laughter and maybe a little wine drunk, so he sits down to drink some water before he trips over something and causes a scene.

He’s thankful for the mild breeze that brushes past his face, carrying the sound of laughter and the faint smell of earth. Tadashi closes his eyes and lets his head drop back, taking in the night. He cracks open an eye when he hears someone take the seat next to his and finds a smile stretching across his face almost instinctively.

“Needed to get away?” he teases.

“Yes,” Tsukishima sighs, “Bokuto challenged Kuroo to a dance-off.”

Tadashi snorts. “Of course he did.”

They watch the scene from afar; Kuroo and Bokuto are locked in some sort of aggressive square dance. One of the Miya twins, the blond one, is calling out a play by play of every move while Hinata doubles over in laughter. Even Akaashi and Kenma are being supportive from the sidelines, albeit much more quietly. 

Idly, he turns to look at his friend’s profile. Tsukki has a soft smile on his face, watching the antics go down. It’s a nice smile, something he rarely showed back in his youth.

The passing of time looked good on Tsukishima Kei. He looked softer now, more willing to accept whatever kindness the world had to offer.

“Are you happy?” Tadashi asks out of the blue, breaking the silence.

Tsukishima raises an eyebrow. “What kind of a question is that?”

“Just answer it Tsukki!” He laughs as Tsukishima eyes him suspiciously. 

“Yes,” he sighs after a moment, “I’m happy. Why?”

Tadashi shrugs. He doesn't really have an answer. “I don’t know, just wondering I guess.”

Tsukki hesitates for a bit, considering his words before carefully turning around and asking, “Are you?”

Tadashi gives it some thought. 

He’s cried so much over the past few years. Sometimes, he cried so hard it felt like his lungs were trying to collapse in on themselves and every bone in his body seemed to ache with unfulfilled longing.

He hasn't cried like that in a while though, in fact, he’s been smiling a whole lot. He looks towards the party where his friends are having fun. 

_ His friends _ .

Reflecting back, he realizes he’s not the same pathetic kid he used to be. He worked hard to be where he is now, and he’s proud of it. He looks at Tsukishima, noting the genuine concern in those golden eyes. His first friend, his best friend. 

“Yeah,” he says truthfully. “I am.”

Tsukki eyes him regardless, searching for something a lie maybe. “Whatever,” he says after a moment, “you’re being weird tonight.”

“You don’t mean that Tsukki!”

“Tch.” They both turn when they hear a loud hoot from the dance floor. Bokuto had somehow lifted Kuroo above his head, weaving through the bodies of dancers on the floor. Raucous laughter heard over the jaunting melody of some pop song.

“Oh god,” Tsukishima groans, and he doesn't even bother to fight it when Tadashi drags him over to the floor to join the madness. 

His life isnt perfect by any means. Sometimes he finds himself caught up in the  _ what if’s _ and  _ could have been’s _ . Sometimes, he forgets how he’s grown and feels like that pathetic little kid again.

But here, laughing and dancing to the beat, he gets a distinct feeling that maybe everything will turn out alright.

Arm in arm with his friends, under the light of the full moon, he chooses to believe it.

**Author's Note:**

> :)
> 
> Tumblr: @iftrashcouldsparkle  
> Twitter: @knifesauce


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